Anon

My boyfriend asked me today. How do I manage to be so funny and light-hearted in my blog posts?

I’ve been nagging him to write a blog of his own. He already has a technical blog on computer vision, which is so very cool (okay, I haven’t read it. I mean, he started writing it some 2-3 years back, when I had no idea what computer vision was all about. I suppose if I read it now, I’ll understand it better) (side note: just encountered a new way to impress him).

A couple days back, he started a new blog. However he hasn’t posted anything since. He told me he’d start writing articles just like mine. I asked him about whatever happened to his first blog post. He said that he had a draft and that he was just coming across as whiny and insecure. I told him that he needed to start off somewhere. Things like this only get better with time. I frankly don’t think it’s about the blog post being good enough. It’s about letting people peer through to see a glimpse of your soul. Most  people aren’t comfortable with the idea.

I, on the other hand, have no problem baring my soul to anyone. I know that sharing part of it, does not diminish its own value. Of course, it wasn’t as easy for me, to share my views in front of the world around me. It’s far too easy to dismiss someone else’s ideas. I know, I do it way too often myself. And so, in such an unfair world, where the odds of odds being against you, are quite high, how do I express myself? Do I keep thinking about what people make out of my evaluations of the world? No. And yet, I would like my voice to be heard. I seek approval too. Am I not contradicting myself here?

I used to blog about mundane things that would go on during my college life around me. Light-hearted observations, as always. There was a selective bunch of friends who could read those articles. Even in those articles, I was esoteric enough, so only the people who knew the context, would understand it precisely. Puns have always been my best friends.

When I was at a low point in my life, I started writing an anonymous blog. I didn’t want anyone to get acquainted with that side of me. And yet, I wanted to express myself and I wanted to be heard. I never shared the link with anyone. I was so upset with things not going the way I wanted them to, I felt like re-evaluating my needs. I needed to stop depending on other people for my happiness. I needed to source the happiness within.

I’d write an entry every day, on how I tried to be more positive. How I planned and did things that would benefit me, and not just the people around me. I think the whole idea was, putting my emotions out there, without fear of judgement. If anyone wanted to stumble upon it, they could. They could read it, cherish it. Hopefully get inspired by it. I thought I’d look back on it some day.

Funnily enough, I can’t find it now. Well, not yet at least. I think I must have tweaked the privacy settings well enough, so it can’t appear on google search. I only remember the blog title, not even the site address. I don’t remember which email account I used, to create it. I think I might have used this old email account. But I don’t remember the password to that account. Is the universe sending me a message?

Perhaps not. But well, I think blogging has always been a therapeutic experience. It’s a joy unparalleled when people all across the globe read and appreciate your ideas. A sense of approval and acceptance that one just cannot get by regular social interactions. I think, most of the time, I just end up writing, what I’d love to read on someone else’s blog. I think we’re all seeking positivity in the darkest corners. For me, it’s my bright screen as I type on my laptop, in a dark room with lights switched off, at 4 am in the morning.

And so, to the dear guy that this post is dedicated to, I want you to blog, not because I want to peer deeper into your soul. I want you to blog, as your own creative outlet. There’s only so much baggage that you can carry around. There’s only so much you can expect another to understand you. You can write whatever you want, and it’s upon the reader to read between the lines. Write anonymously. You don’t even need to give me the link.

Just write without hesitation. The negativity is just at the surface. Write till you reach the positivity deep within.

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