Ways to Apologize

We often find ourselves in situations where we have to apologize to someone. We might have a fall-out, a disagreement or a big tiff, and usually, there needs to be a person who takes a step back to say sorry. Even if it’s not entirely their fault.

In my life, often that person turns out to be me (with an exception, my boyfriend. We split our sorrys equally and I can’t stay mad at him for more than 5 minutes). My mom has always taught me that saying sorry only makes me the bigger person. We all have to come to an equilibrium after a reaction. Stability has to get restored. That’s the law of nature! How fast that happens, is in our hands. We are the catalysts!

It so happens that during one vent out session with a rather unoriginal friend, my friend kept throwing a bunch of banalities at me in order to calm me down. The fact is, conflict is tough, and most people don’t even know how to handle it. The worst part is that universal sayings like “calm down”, “stay strong, don’t let anyone get to you” actually worked on me. Perhaps that’s why these have a widespread emotional appeal. At that point, I thought that I need to make myself a sob-bot. Someone that I could just vent out in peace and who would plainly churn out motivational quotes at me. I’m that easy to appease!

And so, in continuation to that concept, I also need to make a sorry-bot. An apology auto-generator, because saying “sorry” is one of the toughest things to do, specially when it’s directed towards stuck-up people, some who may not even have any consideration towards you. And saying “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it these days (side note: build an ego-degrading bot. People have way too much these days).

Here are a few ways that I have apologized to people in:

  1. The quirky and funny letter:
    Fun enough to distract the offendee from the actual point of disconnect, till the subject is brought up again much later in a light-hearted manner and seeks an apology in a cheeky way.
  2. The emotional letter:
    Where I go on to explain my situation, making myself the softer, non-threatening side (the opposite of which might have offended the offendee. I have that kind of personality, sadly) and expecting the other party to understand the circumstances. Heavily depends on level of compassion of reader. Fails if reader has high ego or other prior biases against you.
  3. The meme machine:
    Memes work for everything! I usually stick to Agnes Gru from Despicable Me. Please was never so pretty!
    0jp7d
  4. The goofy sorry song:
    I’m borrowing this idea, but playing a cheesy apology song on YouTube is an instant heart-winner and smile-bringer.
  5. Buying them an all-weather sorry card:
    When they get mad at you so often, that a single “sorry” just doesn’t work. You can just get them a cutesy card saying that for you, that they can refer to whenever required, i.e. every other day.
  6. A warm hug:
    Because staying mad at someone who is not even in your field of vision (due to being so close to origin) is tough. Plus a hug would restrict bodily movement that is in prep for an attack.

Or you could just write a blog post (self reference ftw) ! So dear angry offendee with ego of the size of the Himalayas, I need you to know that the world isn’t fair, but help me restore some justice and forgive me. Let’s patch up!

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