How to Operate with a Humanoid: Part 5

First class days of the apocalyptic future and past. 

I am not the biggest fan of X-Men (which means I have not swallowed the comics and have only predominantly watched the Jennifer Lawrence starrers), but I do hope that I have an undiscovered genetic mutation cum superpower that can make me slow down time (or be quick enough to beat it), have incredible mind power and an all-round ability to chill and focus on being awesome. Maybe I should make myself a superhero costume.

But that of course, is the supremum of human ability. As of now I can only settle for the infimum of human ability, also known as Humanoids.

What are humanoids? They’re usually overworked individuals who struggle to function as normal humans due to the preoccupation of their minds with making the world a better place. Their motives are just like those of superheroes, except that their superpowers are often not significant enough to compare. Like writing funny blog posts or cooking scrumptious meals or complaining about the most mundane things like weather. I mean, the best I could do to make the world a better place is bringing a smile on people’s faces. Which means I’d do no better than a two year old baby making funny faces.

Or of course I could come up with some really fancy research, but that would still take me decades. And so while humanoids are usually programmed to function at full efficiency, they do run into runtime errors.

When I assume my humanoid form, I usually turn to my boyfriend, who also happens to be a humanoid. So what does the humanoid ecosphere constitute?

  1. Mutual venting:
    Requires near equal, non-invasive sharing of woes between the two parties.
  2. Automatic mood detection:
    Humanoids should detect moods of their respective partners without significant delay. Leaving a frustrated humanoid in state of distress can have irreversible dire consequences to its environment and also the partner.
  3. Troubleshooting and bug-fixing:
    If a certain humanoid finds the other humanoid to be extremely exasperated and frustrated with life, it must be prepared to provide solutions or effective counselling sessions. Keeping a gift handy works as well.

These are three necessary rules to operating in a Humanoid ecosphere. However, they are not sufficient. The remaining rules will be listed in the next chapter.


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