A short disclaimer to anyone expecting an Easter themed blog post: This isn’t one of those. I just very desperately wanted to make that pun!
What it is about, is me trying to depart from my own lackadaisical self of the past few weeks, but before we get to that, let’s understand how it got to that.
I’m a firm believer in the teachings of the OCD. It’s a power that resides in my mind and it dictates things in my life to be in a certain, extremely specific way. If the orders of the OCD aren’t taken seriously, calamity strikes and moods can go haywire.
Okay! I’ll come clean! OCD is not a religion. It’s not even a way of life. It’s something that I think I’m highly likely to have, though I’ve never taken an actual medical opinion on the same. So I tend to take extreme amounts of anxiety and stress related to almost every activity I perform, because I want things to go perfectly. Now when things would seem to go out of control, I’d rely very heavily on binge-eating to calm my nerves. However, I realized that it’s extremely unhealthy, so I decided to diet and start exercising as a way for stress release. But being the OCD person that I am, that just made me obsess over food and exercise. So now I just can’t stop reading nutrition labels or logging the calories I intake or expend. Something that was supposed to lower my stress, just increased it! I did lose weight though!
If my previous tendencies of having too much on my plate literally weren’t bad enough, that’s metaphorically also a very typical state of mine. These days, I have this constant irrational fear that I am not capable of publishing anything in a technical journal or conference, because of my previous failures to do so. So I overburden myself into slogging so hard that I just keep working day in day out. Just to prove my past wrong.
So yeah. I guess a lot of the stress is due to my obsessive behaviors and also the fact that I give a small fraction of things way too much importance. All eggs in one basket. But hey, it’s not all bad, and I don’t really hate that part of me. I am a dreamer and I envision a few things for myself. And I do end up putting a lot of effort into making them a reality. Have I been succeeding? Yeah, definitely! I won’t complain. Bigger dreams will take longer to materialize, but they will, in due course of time.
And so, that’s what’s been going on. How do I get myself out of this? For one thing, it’s a shame that I watched a movie yesterday after almost 4 months. I’ve barely watched an episode or two of any sitcom this semester. I’ve just been watching random videos on YouTube, and that too between work breaks. Note to self: DO MORE FUN STUFF. Prescribed: At least one movie a month, a new TV show to get hooked to, and a book a week to get my money’s worth for splurging on a Paperwhite. Side-effects to include taking self less seriously.
Also. Don’t keep staring at the shelves in the supermarket, just buy the Easter egg!